Nuns & Strippers Fight In The Mean Streets Of Chicago

by Calvin Clark on September 10, 2017

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Nature is a cruel beast that produces a vast number of natural enemies. Cats and dogs, sharks and whales, pirates and ninjas – two distinct and radically different species locked in an eternal struggle for survival. As it would turn out, we can add nuns versus strippers to this list (which sounds like it would make an awesome game for smart phones).

In the Chicago suburb of Stone Park, a group by the name of Get It is trying to open a strip club next door to the Missionary Sisters of St. Charles Borromeo convent. A convent is basically a place where nuns live. According to my father, it is a place where they lez it up until they become too unattractive to bother anyone at which point they are sent to do nun things.

Stone Park’s mayor, Benjamino Mazzulla, has been on a crusade to improve the town’s image – which in the past served as a major hangout for gangsters and bootleggers such as Al Capone. A little bit of overzealous zoning made it damn near impossible to build an adult business in the town, which is against federal law.

Get It filed a couple law suits and got all of the green lights to begin construction on a $3 million strip club, only to have some nuns and a bunch of random citizens protest and shut it down. Everyone lawyered up at this point, with the nuns turning to a Catholic legal group called The Thomas More Society. After a legal push and shove match, Get It looks to be opening their club soon while the nuns and their supporters kick up dust.

Get It claims the area wants a strip club and expects the location to do well, while opponents complain that children in the area will be exposed to sexuality and alcoholism. Another case where parents refusing to raise their own kids could cost area hot women, bartenders, and bouncers potential paychecks and tax revenue.

Hooray.

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