Please Don’t Fuck The Pizza?

by Calvin Clark on January 11, 2019

Post image for Please Don’t Fuck The Pizza?

One of my favorite things about reading so many erotic news stories is discovering a new fetish that I didn’t know existed. Just when I thought I’ve seen it all I’ll stumble across a way of having sex that I couldn’t even have imagined before.

Today it’s Sitophilia, a fetish wherein participants are aroused by erotic situations involving food. Cool!

I’ve seen foodies use very sexual language to describe food but never have I heard of anyone getting down and actually fucking an antipasto platter. Thanks to a prank aboard a Norwegian Cruise Line ship I am now aware that there is a much messier way to consider someone who says they “love food.”

Guests aboard the party cruise Holy Ship! were shocked to see a letter posted throughout the vessel discouraging passengers from having sex with the pizza. The gag letter was so polite and well-written that some buffet patrons were unaware it was a joke and quickly snapped pictures of the hilarious warning against fornicating with the food.

I’ve never been on a cruise but from the sound of it there’s probably a lot of sex going on. The closed quarters, motion of the ocean, and party atmosphere probably makes for a lot of sea-boners. This is probably why prankers thought it would be poignant to make a notice warning guests to keep their throbbing genitals away from the pizza.

The letter read:

Open Pizza Bar For
Consumption Only

Dear Guests,

Thank you for sailing with us for another year of Holy Ship! Where we offer dozens of fine foods available 24/7 in the Garden Café, we must remind you that the foods available in the care are for consumption only. Due to incidents on previous sailings in which patrons engaged in uncouth behavior in the care, we feel it is our duty to remind our guests that pizza is for eating, not fornicating. Sexual acts with hour handcrafted pizzas can bring unintended health consequences and can pose a safety hazard for other passengers aboard our journey.

Lewd and/or sexual acts with our cuisines are not only frowned upon but are prohibited by maritime law. Norwegian encourages responsible food consumption and reserved the right to revoke eating privileges of any guests who violates Norwegian’s Guest Cod of Conduct or is deemed a danger to themselves or others.

If you suffer from Sitophilia, or the sexual desire to fornicate with foods such as pour pizzas, please inquire with one of our specialists in the medical bay below deck.

Norwegian Cruise Line

After having a hearty laugh along with the passengers, crew members took the signs down and released an official statement that the notices were indeed a prank. If we’re being honest though it sounds like great marketing. How many places can brag about their food being so good you’ll want to fuck it.

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