Run, Kristen, Run

by Joy Topaz on June 2, 2010

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We never thought Kristen Stewart would be a white panty type of gal. Color us surprised with this upskirt.

When the first Twilight came out we had no idea what it was about. All we knew is that it was a vampire movie. We sat in the theater, happily eating our popcorn, looking forward to the blood and gore that was about to start, when we heard it. The sound that raises the hairs on the back of your neck and runs ice through your veins. The sound of tittering that is so irritating you can feel your ovaries or balls shriveling up somewhere near your ear canal.

Groups of thirteen year old girls.

In the litany of bad life choices, watching Twilight was right up there with drunkenly petting a wild raccoon.

Kirsten Stewart onscreen and off does teen angst like no one else. The good part is she’s a legal 20 years old. We imagine she’d be the type of girl we’d pick up in a dive bar when we’re both way too drunk to be fucking. We would go back to our place, make awkward attempts at sex that would be one part rough and one part sad. We would pass out only to wake up the next morning to find she’d taken all of our booze, cigarettes and the seven dollars in our wallet. For some reason that turns us on.

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