Samsung Phones May Be Randomly Sending Your Nudes

by RICK RODAY on July 16, 2018

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I’ve recently returned to the world of internet dating and things are a lot different than they were just a few years ago. Being in your 30s on the internet in 2018 is like being a Baby Boomer in a 90s teen movie. Everything is faster now, I don’t understand any of the references people make, and it’s hard to plan dates around my current dietary restrictions.

Plus, everyone gets to the sexting almost instantly.

It used to be that after several weeks of dating you might send a tasteful tease as a means of interacting with someone you’re already sleeping with. Now it feels like once you connect with someone they want to see your genitals before you even settle on a first date. With the generally accepted order of sharing being nipple, dick, vagina, butthole I never really know when I’m going to need to send a pic to keep the conversation going.

However, being a 35-year-old boomer of fluctuating weight it’s not like I can just snap a passable picture of my penis whenever I want. There’s a certain amount of staging that must be done which is why I keep a couple greatest hits stored locally. Thankfully I don’t have a Samsung Galaxy phone otherwise one of these pictures may be randomly sent to a person on my contacts.

Wait, what?

According to several reports from owners of the Samsung Galaxy S9 and S9+, the phone’s messaging app has been randomly sending photos to people in their contacts without permission. These users weren’t aware their phone had sent anything until the recipient of the random photos informed them afterwards. How terrifying!

Playing Russian Roulette with my camera roll isn’t exactly my idea of a good time. If my phone decided to send a random picture to one of my contacts, there’s a 90 percent chance it would be a picture of my dog or some sushi. The 10 percent chance of it sending a picture of my wiener to one of my aunts would be a good enough reason to smash my phone with the nearest brick.

Samsung’s initial response to the problem was to simply ignore it. They blamed user error or carrier specific problems for their messaging app malfunctioning. When Reddit and tech news websites picked up the story, the phone maker finally acknowledged it and temporarily disabled features in the Samsung Messages app until a solution could be found.

Meanwhile it’s also a good time to send your crush a risky sexy pic to see how they respond. While I would never encourage anyone to send an unsolicited picture of your junk, sometimes you just have to take your shot. If it works out the end could justify the means, and if it doesn’t you can just blame the horny ghost in the machine.


Image: Nicolette Shea in Ms. Nicolette’s Academy For Exceptional Women by Brazzers

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