Sex News: Bespoke Porn, Middle-Aged Stripper, & Patreon Nudes

by Lola Byrd on August 29, 2017

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If you could hire some Peepz to film a porno for you that was EXACTLY what you’ve ever dreamed of what would it be?

A Norwegian man paid porn producers to create a bespoke film of women burning the stamp collection he’d spent decades building.

The unnamed man had spent 40 years and a lot of money building up his stamp collection, but he started to feel depressed and lonely.

He went to see a psychologist who told him stamp-collecting was a ridiculous hobby, and so the man decided to destroy his collection. Through the medium of porn. With one film for each of his ten books.

Who needs therapy when you can make your own personal porn movie?

You’re 44 — which is approximately 187 in stripper years. Okay, you’re really 46, but you lie to everyone about your age and have for years: to friends, co-workers, your dad, your bosses, your customers, CNN. You have been working in the sex industry for over 25 years. You wish there was someone you could talk to about it but you don’t know anyone who has clocked in for booty duty this long. You look like hell. You have the shits. You’re dehydrated. The only thing multiplying in your cells are the dark circles under your eyes from zero sleep. Now, when you throw your neck out, it stays out. Your lower back screams. Your knees click.

So sexy.

Stephanie Michelle made Patreon her primary thing — and it changed her life. Before Patreon, she was working at a media company making DIY crafting tutorial videos, which she loved, but she says her boss began making inappropriate, sexual comments. “I ended up having to leave because it made me so uncomfortable,” she says. Now Patreon is her only gig, and although she makes a living from it, she says her income is vulnerable to fluctuation. “It’s not like you expect a steady paycheck every month,” Michelle says. During her least active months, Michelle says she makes around the “high 3,000s” on Patreon.

When you factor in how much time she spends making sure her subscribers are happy, the hourly pay isn’t as impressive as the net sounds. Michelle estimates she spends more than 80 hours a week working on her rewards — tasks like printing, signing, and shipping hundreds of photos and talking “all day every day” to her patrons on Snapchat. And a Patreon-based income model definitely doesn’t leave time for vacation. She recently got married, and she says her honeymoon was interrupted constantly by emails, messages, and snaps from fans.

I wish.

Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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