Sex News: Crappy Threesomes, Contraceptives, & Tinder Bio

by Lola Byrd on September 7, 2017

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Most of us were raised on mythical threesomes where everyone seamlessly pops out of their clothes and into each other. In reality all three of you will end up tangled in one person’s fancy-clasp bra. And then what? Most of us know intuitively what goes where, when, during sex. Clan of the Cave Bear would have us believe that threesomes are as old as time, but there’s nothing intuitive about them! I know there are people well-versed enough in porn things to be able to choreograph everyone into an artful threesome, but the rest of us are lost baby belugas in a sea of orifices, just trying not to stick something in someone’s belly button.

What, you mean threesomes aren’t the best thing ever invented since sliced bread?  Whatever, I just want to be in a situation where I’m in the middle and all hands are on me.

New technologies are cropping up in the field of contraception, including hormone-releasing microchips, revamped condom designs, and low-cost, long-lasting male birth control injections, according to a Mashable report. The good news is that increasing choice for all women appears to be at the center of many of those innovations. Speaking to Mashable, Dr. Laneta Dorflinger, director of contraceptive technology innovation at FHI 360, explained why making contraception with choice in mind was so crucial.

It’s about damn time that we get some more alternatives to the pill and condoms. Did you Peepz know that the pill can cause blood clots and, you know, kill you?!

“I was going pretty fast on a moped and lost control of it, and I hit the median in the road,” Lauren, who asked that her last name not be used, told BuzzFeed News. “I flew off and hit a sign and it sliced my arm off. I stayed conscious the whole time.”

By a stroke of luck, her life was saved by a police officer on the scene who had just received tourniquet training.

“I remember I asked the cop, ‘Hey, am I gonna die?’ and he said, ‘No, you’ll be fine,'” she said.

Beautiful and funny, SHWING!

Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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