Sex News: Perfect Penis, Pornhub Designers, & D. Trump Butt Plug

by Lola Byrd on July 23, 2015

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In a study published by The Journal Of Sexual Medicine, a group of women surveyed reveal the top eight concerns with regards to penile standards of beauty. After viewing a photo set of a variety of penises, large and small, quirky and standard – why were these photos not provided along with the article?! — the women were asked to rank what qualities matter the most in terms of general attractiveness. Here’s where they came in: 1. General cosmetic appearance 2. Penile skin 3. Shape of glans 4. Appearance of scrotum 5. Appearance of pubic hair 6. Penile length 7. Penile girth 8. Position and shape of meatus.

Big-Penises-Are-Evil

I’m a sex blogger and I just had to look up the meaning of “meatus.” Do yourself a favor and don’t Google image search it, because some really disturbing pics will show up. Thanks science for teaching me what you call the opening of the urethra and for teaching me that a nice looking dick matters after all, but that in the end it’s how you use said dick that really matters.

This is the point where you can stop pretending you’ve never heard of Pornhub. It’s the Facebook of the adult world, ubiquitous and all-conquering. Its brands deliver epic Web traffic, claiming 60 million unique users a day. [Yay us!]

But despite those massive visitor numbers, Pornhub has never done an interview about the design philosophy behind its network. While you might assume it’s as easy as presenting visitors with an unending stream of hardcore material, it’s a lot more complicated.

Pornhub-Competition-1

Whatever, we’re just awesome. That said, Pornhub’s Vice President of Product Corey Price says, as reported by The Next Web, that it comes down to a few key elements: 1. “Pornhub sees itself as a competitor to YouTube and Vimeo.” 2. “Each of the its porn sites has a history and its designers respect that.” 3. “Its users hate change just as much as Facebook fans so iteration is key.” 4. “People actually do share Pornhub content a lot.” 5. “Like any Web giant, it knows the value of experimentation.” 6. “Feedback goes further than desperate dudes begging to be pornstars.” 7. “Filthbook: community matters even when its members often have their hands full.” 8. “Europe doesn’t fap to the same crap as America.” 9. “When you design sites full of porn, you eventually stop seeing all those naked bodies.” 10. “A small team can achieve big…um…results.”

“I usually make Butt plugs to insult dictators, homophobes and politicians. However, when I heard Donald Trump’s remarks about Mexicans and Latinos from South America I was extremely angry. […] Donald Trump is not a dumb man. He might have been born with a silver spoon and declared bankruptcy 4 or 5 times but he is not dumb. He decided to attack immigrants and specially Mexicans because he thinks we have no power.”

Donald-Trump-Butt-Plug

It’s about time someone made a butt plug out of Donald Trump. Now if only we could someone stuff the real Donald Trump into someone’s butt and keep him hidden there like it was his own little private cave I would be all about that.

Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd & check out her blog misslolawants.com

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