Sex Toy Triggers Airport Security, Shuts Down Terminal

by Calvin Clark on April 18, 2019

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Airport security has gotten really intense over the last few years. The last time I flew I was coming home from a very successful vacation and in a hungover stupor I forgot to take my tablet out of my backpack before going through screening. As a reward for my seemingly minor rule infraction I spent the next half hour being rescreened, questioned, and lightly groped by several TSA agents.

At least I didn’t have anything embarrassing to hide like, say, a giant battery-operated sex toy.

The same can’t be said for a traveler in Germany who held up an entire terminal of Berlin’s Schnefeld Airport while security investigated a suspicious item in his luggage. After dodging their questions and refusing to tell employees what the mysterious item was, they had no other recourse than to follow protocol and shutdown the whole terminal while an hour-long investigation ensued.

After a bomb squad was called in to check the contents of the bag it was determined the man had left a vibrating sex toy in his luggage. This is why you’re supposed to place all electronic devices into a separate bin!

Though some people love to travel, many of us find the entire experience stressful. While alcohol and medication are a common remedy, there isn’t much that can be done to relieve the stress of security fumbling around with your previously well-hidden sex toys. Maybe some softcore porn would have helped?

A while back we read about an airport in Portugal that accidentally aired softcore porn on a large TV located above the luggage collection area. The display had been tuned to a standard cable channel that happened to have late night programing that included nudity and sexual content. Though there wasn’t any penetration or visible genitals, there was enough grinding and moaning for everyone to get the general idea.

Maybe a few softcore skin flicks cold have helped Germany’s stranded travelers deal with their situation, though Schnefeld Airport’s D terminal was eventually reopened around noon.

Prior to the bomb squad being called in, the man tried to say his luggage contained “technical stuff” and while he wasn’t exactly lying, his answer was too vague to be safe. Since he committed no crimes and his sex toys were deemed harmless, we can only assume he was released without consequence.

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