masturbation

Bedtime Orgasms

March 3, 2019
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Are you a morning fapper or a night time fapper? I tend to pull out all the stops on my pussy in the middle of the day. Sometimes that means I need to lock the bathroom at work to get a little alone time with my fingers. It really does perk me up and help […]

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Survey Says: Millennials Masturbate More Than Everyone Else

February 24, 2019
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Reading surveys about masturbation is always an enlightening experience for me. Finding out the average person doesn’t masturbate daily is like spending the night at someone else’s house for the first time and discovering that they don’t use flushable adult wipes in the bathroom. It’s an equal mix between shame and just feeling bad for […]

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Orgasm at Midnight

January 10, 2019
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One of the tricks that I randomly have stuffed up my sexual sleeve is the fact that I am nearly able to cum on command. It only takes 20 seconds or so for me to go from considering masturbation to making a huge puddle on my sheets. I control it most of the time, but […]

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“You Have An Eel Stuck Where!?”

December 10, 2018
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I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of as a result of my masturbation addiction, like wanking to cartoons when the internet goes out. Thankfully I’ve never voluntarily hurt myself more than I intended to, and I’ve certainly never caused any harm to another living creature. However, an unnamed man from southern China […]

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“Serial Masturbator” To Represent Himself In Court?

December 7, 2018
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To commit enough crimes to be labeled a serial offender indicates that there is a serious psychological problem in play. However, if you’re recognized by the judicial system as being a serial masturbator, it sounds like your only real problem is that you get caught too much. However you choose to enjoy your own company […]

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Man Steals Security Cameras To Destroy Masturbation Footage

October 15, 2018
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I lived at home all through college and in addition to the academics, I learned one very important skill- how to masturbate in complete silence without leaving a trace. Privacy is a luxury most people take for granted. It’s one of those small comforts that you won’t miss until it’s gone, or notice until you’re […]

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Survey Suggests Indian Women Using Older Phones As Dildos

October 14, 2018
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Few things are more terrifying than dropping your cell phone. For those terrifying moments time slows down and you can only watch as your device falls to the ground. After the carnage is over all that’s left to do is pick it up and see how much more debt has been incurred. Things weren’t always […]

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Bad Allergies? Beat Off Twice & Call Me In The Morning

September 4, 2018
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As somebody who regularly succumbs to his allergies, I really enjoy the winter. The frozen wasteland of New Jersey prevents any death harbingering flowers from blossoming. However, by the time May rolls around I’ll be a red nosed, puffy eyed mess of a man who is slowly being poisoned by nature. Allergies are horrible and relief […]

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Masturbating in Silence

July 29, 2018
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I always arrive at work much earlier than the rest of the staff. It’s nice to work for an hour or so in the supreme quiet of the library. It’s the type of silence where you can hear every single noise if it happens, because nothing is supposed to be there at all. Last Tuesday, […]

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Firefighters Use Saw To Remove Stuck Sex Toy From Man’s Penis

July 19, 2018
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If I had to construct the most embarrassing scenario for myself, it would probably involve getting my penis stuck in a sex toy and having to go to the emergency room to get it removed. I already don’t like it when the UPS man knocks on the door in the middle of the day. No […]

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