sex

Fucking With AirPods In?

June 20, 2019
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Distraction during sex can be hot sometimes. I’ve definitely attempted to act normal while I was on the phone and simultaneously gotten dicked down from behind. It can be a thrill to bang like that, but I’m afraid that people may have taken it a step too far this time. Actually, that’s totally just me […]

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Let’s Celebrate National Sex Day All Year Long

June 10, 2019
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June 9th is National Sex Day because it’s 6/9. That is super funny to me because I am a pervert. Little known Harlot fact? I have a tattoo of a pizza pie that is missing a slice on the back of my leg. My wife has the missing slice tattooed on her arm. On the […]

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Nuns and Sexuality

May 26, 2019
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My best friend and I have very interesting text conversations. Sometimes he’ll randomly send me clips of toe nail extractions, sometimes he sends me PornHub clips he’s been enjoying. It’s really a toss up how things are going to go when I get an alert from him. On Sunday, I was grocery shopping when my […]

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What It’s Really Like When You Pickup After The Bar

May 23, 2019
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Lets put out this simple fact: Life is awkward. Not just the hard shit, but all the daily stuff from riding public transit while that dude coughs on you to interacting with that hot co-worker you want to bang to picking up that call from your parents just as you got your pants off to […]

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Fap Along with Harlot: Riley Nixon

May 19, 2019
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My BFF is obsessed with women that have the balls to shave their heads. He loves the way super short stubble feels on his hands when he’s pushing their face down lower and lower onto his cock. When I had my side shaved, he would randomly just touch the buzzed area while we were having […]

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Man Born Without Penis Gets Giant Bionic Dick, Loses Virginity

May 16, 2019
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I was once in a sociology class where the professor told us that long after humanity has gone extinct, an alien vessel will come to the earth. While rummaging through our ruins to determine what we were about, they will be able to look at almost any period in history and conclude that we were […]

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Spain Appoints New ‘Sex Tsar’ To Address Low Birth Rate

May 9, 2019
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The entire time I was in school Earth’s population was roughly estimated to be about six billion people. Today we’re at nearly seven and a half billion and scientists expect us to hit eight sometime around 2025. That’s an impressive feat of procreation for walking water-bags who live on a rock that’s hurling through space. […]

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New School Sets To Teach Men How To Be Porn Stars

May 3, 2019
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It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to attend Hogwarts and learn how to become a wizard. While this may be impossible because I’m too old to attend the school and because wizardry isn’t real, there still might be a place I can go to learn a few tricks. A production company called Pegas Productions […]

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It’s International Clitoris Awareness Week!

May 1, 2019
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With May being International Masturbation Month, it seems like a good time to talk about one of the key players during these festivities- the clitoris. This week is “International Clitoris Awareness Week” and while most of us spend a good deal of every week being aware of clitorises, its organizers are hoping for something a […]

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Sex Ed Failed Us

May 1, 2019
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Before I started actually having sex, I knew most of what I knew from looking at dirty magazines. The Internet was around but wasn’t really present in my life until I was like 18 or 19. By that point, I was fucking and trying my best to make the sexy pictures that were embedded in […]

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