This Just In: People Have Sex Everywhere They Go

by CALICO RUDASILL on June 15, 2018

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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

If there’s one form of ‘shocking revelation’ which never actually comes as a shock to me, it’s the kind in which we’re all supposed to be stunned to learn people occasionally have sex in some location or situation which the author of the revelatory article hadn’t previously anticipated – or with respect to which they’re willing to feign surprise, at least.

People appear to love writing articles about this phenomenon, replete with clickbait headlines like “The Weirdest Places Couples Have Had Sex” or “11 Shocking Places People Have Been Caught Having Sex” or – not to be outdone – “13 Shocking Places People Have Been Caught Having Sex.”

Now, it appears some folks who really should have seen this coming are expressing dismay over people “having sex all over the house” – the dismay stemming from the fact it’s not their own house in which they’re having all this sex.

So, You Thought They’d Treat Your House Differently Than A Hotel Because…?

Among the several billion reasons I’d never offer up one of my own properties as an Airbnb, knowing my guests would, inevitably, fuck in every corner, on every countertop and above, beneath and with every suitable object I own isn’t at the top of the list, but it’s certainly on there.

Now that there’s a survey of 1,000 Airbnb guests in which the respondents reported (among other things) 7.1% of them have had sex in the kitchen, 3.1% have had sex on dining room tables and 27.9% have had sex in the shower of an Airbnb property, some hosts are having second thoughts about listing their properties on the service.

This is amazing to me, not because I don’t understand why the hosts object to having parts of their property turned into a theme room from the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, but because I can’t fathom why they ever thought this wouldn’t be the case.

By the way, if you’re an Airbnb host who reads about this survey and thinks ‘Gee, I wonder if any of my past guests fucked in my hot tub?’ you should probably count your silverware and anything else that wasn’t nailed down for the duration of your guests’ stay – because another section of the same survey reports that “rates of theft were roughly even for hotels and Airbnbs in some categories, including cookware, dishware, and batteries.”

Wait a minute; since when do hotels include cookware and batteries? Clearly, I’ve been staying at the wrong hotels.

On The Bright Side, Sounds Like Nobody Is Fucking In the Garage

The good news, if you’re an Airbnb host who is skeeved out over the idea of guests staining your sheets (or your kitchen window coverings, for that matter) is that there do appear to be some places in which Airbnb guests aren’t doing the nasty during their stays.

For instance, I don’t see any indication guests are boning in the garage, nor do I see anything about guests knocking boots in the foyer, romping on the roof or baring it all in the driveway.

Of course, it’s always possible those just weren’t options offered on the survey – but based on the available data, I’d say it’s safe to continue to receive mail at your property without bleaching the inside of your mailbox – unless you’ve ever rented out your Airbnb to this guy, that is.


Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:


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