Throw Back Thursday Nudity Edition: Zana (2006)

I just had a live earwig in my mouth. How did this happen, Lola, you find yourself asking?! No, I was not trying out some new age cuisine. Nope, I was not so desperate for food that I decided foraging for grubs was a good idea. I was simply sipping through a straw.

I like drinking through a straw, okay. It makes everything taste better, but since I care about the environment and all that crap I bought myself a metal straw that can be washed and reused. I never thought to look through the hollow tube to make sure it was empty, but I should have because that first pull of smoothie was kind of chunky.

To my dismay, when I pursed my lips and spit the chunk into my hand it was not a piece of unblended kale as I had surmised, but rather a life earwig. Yes, the damn thing was still alive. Covered in green smoothie gunk, but still alive. It even survived being thrown across the room.

I searched for ten minutes, but I was able to find and kill the offending earwig. It was definitely the same bug; he still had some green smoothie on his pincers. I will be having nightmares about this for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to use another straw.

There’s no coming back from this, even Zana’s magnificent boobs can’t soothe what ails me.

P.S. Doesn’t it look like the last four pics of this shoot were taken in a different decade than the rest of the pics? I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t think beyond the earwig. Although, I guess in this case it was a mouthwig.

P.P.S. I just stole that joke from someone.

Click on images below for larger versions:

Via scanof.net – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

  • DUDE THAT’S GROSS!!! But wait. What if it bit you and the earwig venom mixed with the kale smoothie gives you super powers and you are now EARWIG GIRL!

    Nice devilock Zana.

    • That would be cool, but I don’t think earwigs have venom.

      • The kale juice irradiated it and gave it venom. Also totally read that and thought you meant Venom the Spider-Man character and of course earwigs don’t have Venom. He’s a person.

  • Zach Becvar

    I got into a minor car accident a few weeks ago because something decided to fly up inside my glasses and try and land on my eye. I also remember another time were a gnat or something flew in my ear. That little bastard was evil. I fucking hate bugs.

    • They’re definitely the worst. I read a statistic somewhere that said we eat x amount of spiders in our life times, because they crawl into our mouths when we sleep. I can’t remember the amount, but it was scary.

  • Cody111811

    I once had a June Bug removed from my ear canal. Apparently it crawled in while I was sleeping. It was very uncomfortable until the Dr. finally removed it some 4 hours later. Very creepy, but not nearly as creepy as sucking on an earwhig. Yuck.

    • Oh God, now I’m going to have nightmares about a June bug crawling into my ear.

  • Cody111811

    I once had a June Bug removed from my ear canal. Apparently it crawled on while I was sleeping. It was very uncomfortable until the Dr. finally removed it some 4 hours later. Very creepy, but not nearly as creepy as sucking on an earwhig. Yuck.

  • Erswi

    Hey, you know those pipe cleaners that kids use for crafts and shit right? You know what else you can use those for?

    • I have a little brush type thing to clean it! It still got in there for some reason.

  • MainFragger

    Afterwards, did you scream, “KAHHHHHNNN!”