Top 5: Stupid Scary Crazy Vagina “Accidents”

by Lola Byrd on May 15, 2012

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I don’t believe in God, but if I did I would look at the pussy as one of his greatest achievements. Biologically speaking, the damn thing is a marvel of nature. It’s its own perfectly organized microcosm.

Pussies really are amazing. The way they elongate when aroused. The way they produce moisture to keep themselves elastic, healthy, and well lubricated. Not to speak of all those pleasurable nerve endings…. Pussies, they’re so sensitive yet so strong… Can you think of another organ that can fit snuggly around a finger and also provide passage for an 8 pound baby?

Vaginas are so wonderful I don’t understand why some people don’t treat them more carefully. People should be getting down on their knees everyday and worshiping the damn things not stuffing car keys up in there. Come on now people, pussies deserve better than this.

5. A Crotch On Fire

I used to work in a Mexican restaurant, so when I tell you I understand the dangers of jalapeño peppers, you better believe it. Spend a couple hours chopping those things and you’ll forever beware of where you stick your fingers afterwards. Too bad nobody told what’s her face before she decided to change her tampon after chopping up some jalapeño peppers. Can anyone say “holy fucking burn?” And I thought I had seen the worst when a guy at work accidentally shot some jalapeño pepper oil in his eye.

4. Shaving Your Snatch While Driving May Cause Accidents

A Florida woman, duh, caused a serious car crash a few years ago when she decided to shave her puss-puss while driving her car. It seems the woman was on her way to Key West where she was going to vacation with her boyfriend and she wanted to make sure the hedges were trimmed before they got down to business. Her ex-husband also happened to be in the car at the time; proving once again that Florida residents are. the. weirdest.

(Click for more crazy vagina “accidents”)

3. Honey, Where Are My Keys?

A Florida woman (just kidding I don’t know if she’s from Florida) showed up to the hospital complaining of pelvic pain. A short exam later and it was decided that the set of keys she had decided to shove up her vagina were to blame. The woman who may or may not be from Florida told the docs that she didn’t want her boyfriend to take the car so she hid the keys where “he never goes.”

I’m hoping the next time I’m forced to play some sort of treasure hunt at a company picnic someone better hide something in a vagina.

2. Potato Vines Grow In Wet Warm Climates

A prolapsed vagina/uterus is no joke; that’s when the vagina/uterus actually falls out of someone’s body, yo. It’s the stuff of nightmares, but even more horrifying is the story of some lady who stuffed a potato in her vagina to keep it from falling out, forgot it was there, and later showed up to the ER because she had vines growing out of her pussy. She had VINES growing out of her pussy and she forgot that she had stuffed a potato in there!!! I can’t even make a joke, because reality is better than anything I could make up.

1.  Contrary To Popular Belief Chickens Aren’t Magic

Hum, yeah, so, some woman showed up at the ER complaining of abdominal pain and when the docs took a closer look they found an entire chicken in her vagina. Apparently, this lady wasn’t able to have chickens children of her own and she was hoping the chicken would turn into a baby. An ENTIRE CHICKEN people?! WTF was she thinking? An egg would have made more sense.

Bonus: Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels

A woman scared the crap out her OB-GYN when an X-Ray showed a gun in her vagina. Emergency surgery was performed so the woman wouldn’t inadvertently shot her own uterus only to reveal that the gun was actually a cigarette lighter shaped like a gun, which was accompanied by the crack pipe that was also lodged in her pussy.


  • Oh man…I guess I have to figure out another place to stuff my crack pipe. 

    • It’s like these chicks never heard of a purse.

      Haha, I can understand maybe hiding your crack pipe in your vagina is you were afraid the cops were about to search you or something, but why the lighter too? Did she not realize that lighters are legal?

  • chanran

    yes atheist!

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