Top 8: WTF Kind Of Girl Do You Take Me For Sex Toys!

You want me to put what inside my body? False modesty aside, I kind of want to low key try all these. Well, except the Tyson, because water buffalo are real animals and I’m not comfortable with bestiality. I want my creatures to be paranormal!

Seriously, though, I know most of these are weird as fuck, but I read a lot of SciFi/Paranormal/Fantasy/Urban Fantasy/Vampire-Related fiction and erotica. There are times, depending on what series I was reading at the time where I would have definitely used one or more of these.

What began as a “top 5 bizarre sex toys” list turned into a “top 8 Lola wish list,” sort of.

8. Tonguetacle

This thing is 36 inches long!

Use responsibly.

7. Custom Two-Colour Mythos Art Dildo

I don’t even know what this is, but I like it.

Right, I finally remembered what this reminds me off. The Ood from Doctor Who, obviously.

6. Zelda Link Master Dildo Sword

I wish someone would make a Vlad the Impaler Dildo Sword. That would be AWESOME!

5. Unicorn Horn

I may or may not have a fantasy that involves a unicorn horn.

4. Tyson

Tyson is a water buffalo and I am at a loss for words.

3. Echo The Snowstrider

All I want to know is what the hell is a Snowstrider?

2. Demon Dick

Need one.

1. The Dragon Tongue

The small one is the size of a can of coke. I’m dead.


Via the internet – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

  • I thought the can of coke was a dildo 🙁

    • It’s for scale!

      • IDK I’ve seen them used as dildos before. These novelty sex toys are all the rage these days.

  • Leonard Taylor

    You aint seen nothing yet. Go to and prepare to have your brain blown.