With Mouth Wide Open: Jesse Jane

Jesse Jane knows how to handle fame.

I have watched Jesse Jane make short work of a convention hall full of autograph seekers, all of whom want to touch her boobs. She is kind and attentive to each of them for the 25 seconds or so they are alloted, but then they need to go, and there can be no boob touching. For the same reason that the U.S. Constitution and whatever they use up in Canada are kept behind glass, Jesse Jane’s boobs can’t be handled by everyone, lest they be corroded by foul dermatological oils and greases.

“But Angelina Jolie touched me once,” says Jane, “and I totally knew what it was like to be star struck.”

The women Jesse Jane thinks are pretty include Marilyn Monroe and Kate Hudson. But she has a special wide-on for Jolie and, now that I think of it, they do look like porny photo negatives of each other.

“My friends knew I loved Angelina Jolie. She is just so sexy to me. And I was in L.A. and they’re like, ‘We have tickets to the ‘Ellen’ show, and I didn’t know who was on.

“So they do this thing where the star comes out into the audience and shakes peoples’ hands? And it’s Angelina Jolie, and I just stood there. With my mouth wide open. And she looked at me. And she was kinds of smiling. And my mouth was wide open. My friends don’t let me forget about it.

“I’m like: ‘Assholes.'”