Woman Arrested After Having Sex With Lawn Chair?

by Calvin Clark on February 13, 2018

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I’ve only been to Seattle once but it seems like a very laid back city. Everyone is too busy sucking on a Starbucks cup to notice what you’re doing and it’s the kind of place you could walk around with a genital or two exposed without offending anyone.

However everyone has their limit and as one intoxicated 33-year-old found out, it’s usually at the point when you wander into someone’s yard and start fucking their lawn furniture.

The woman was arrested after a family witnessed her walking onto their property, hiking up her dress and engaging “in an intimate act with several lawn chairs.” Shen then began urinating on the lawn and intentionally exposing her bits to everyone around.

Police officers quickly arrived and the woman was charged with indecent exposure. The lawn chair was presumably sold on craigslist for several times its actual value.

While we’re sure being drunk was the primary motivation behind her actions, we can’t help but wonder if there’s some unexplored fetish for people who like having sex with plastic chairs. A few years ago we discovered the slippery sleek world of looners- people who enjoy having sex with inflatable pool toys.

Maybe having sex with the cheaply made outdoor furniture of others is the next big craze… or maybe this is just a slow news day for blogs associated with people’s genitals and everyone is really reaching. Hmph!

At any rate I can’t help but feel sorry for this poor woman. While she may not have been named in the news, her record is still going to show that she fucked a chair and flashed a family before peeing on everything. You can’t live that kind of incident down. TRUST ME.

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